Derek: Part Deux
I continued seeing Derek for the next 8 months or so.
Eventually and unfortunately, like all men, he tried to change me. He wanted me to clean up my act but I stubbornly refused to change for anyone. Our relationship was dramatic - we would argue a lot as best friends and have great sex to make up as lovers. But getting me off coke was one argument that went on and on. Eventually, we both got fed up but never spoke about it.
I did fall in Love. It was just the little things he did that made me decide one morning after being brought breakfast in bed that he was a Keeper. Falling asleep with his arms around me and waking up to his dirty blond hair was something that made my days a little more bearable.
But when the time came for me to leave for summer, we decided that it would be OK if we did see other people. I didn't see The Vital Signs then because I was young and stupid and thought that maybe Derek was a Keeper, and he'd come right back to me. Even if, you know, I did fuck around a bit. And I did need a break.
After the break, I didn't expect Derek to be any different but he was. More reclusive and less enthusiastic about public sex. Another sign I missed. I was full of myself, and the coke might have something to do with it. One drunken night, he confessed that he had met someone else and had feelings for her that he has never felt for anyone else before. And she wasn't a junkie.
I took the blow, packed my things and moved out. It was around then that I decided that no man would ever be Different.
In retrospect, Derek was right and I really was young and stupid. I kicked the coke habit and managed to get through my finals with a string of almost-fails.
A year later, I left for Down Under and started a new chapter with blank pages and no money. But I kept my journals.
Eventually and unfortunately, like all men, he tried to change me. He wanted me to clean up my act but I stubbornly refused to change for anyone. Our relationship was dramatic - we would argue a lot as best friends and have great sex to make up as lovers. But getting me off coke was one argument that went on and on. Eventually, we both got fed up but never spoke about it.
I did fall in Love. It was just the little things he did that made me decide one morning after being brought breakfast in bed that he was a Keeper. Falling asleep with his arms around me and waking up to his dirty blond hair was something that made my days a little more bearable.
But when the time came for me to leave for summer, we decided that it would be OK if we did see other people. I didn't see The Vital Signs then because I was young and stupid and thought that maybe Derek was a Keeper, and he'd come right back to me. Even if, you know, I did fuck around a bit. And I did need a break.
After the break, I didn't expect Derek to be any different but he was. More reclusive and less enthusiastic about public sex. Another sign I missed. I was full of myself, and the coke might have something to do with it. One drunken night, he confessed that he had met someone else and had feelings for her that he has never felt for anyone else before. And she wasn't a junkie.
"I'm sorry. I wish things didn't have to be like this, Tash."
Derek's last words.I took the blow, packed my things and moved out. It was around then that I decided that no man would ever be Different.
In retrospect, Derek was right and I really was young and stupid. I kicked the coke habit and managed to get through my finals with a string of almost-fails.
A year later, I left for Down Under and started a new chapter with blank pages and no money. But I kept my journals.
posted by tasha at 2:14 PM
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